First Blog From Egypt, 6/27

Yes, cheesy, but true.
I will dodge the narrative blog post for something much better: A list!

Number of days I have been in Alexandria: 8.5
Number of times I have been told to pull my shirt down to hide the apparently enticing flesh known as my back: 342
Number of times I’ve done it: 0
Number of relatives who’ve visited me since my arrival: 24
Number of relatives I care for: 3
Number of cigarettes I’ve smoked: 2
Number of times I’ve swum: 7
Number of times I’ve enjoyed it so much I felt my entire body was coming: 7
Number of times I’ve masturbated: 0
Number of orgasms I’ve had: 1
Number of wet dreams I’ve had: 1
Number of times I’ve driven: 2
Number of people I almost killed: 16
Number of meals I’ve eaten that were entirely composed of seafood: 4
Number of times I’ve prayed: 0 (I was supposed to go to friday prayer with my geddo a couple days ago but overslept.)
Number of Arabic words my son has picked up: 23
Number of English words my cousins have learned from him: 1 (“No”)
Number of bikes I’ve rented: 6
Number of jasmine garlands I’ve bought: 12 (I gave one of them to the bike renter dude. He’s fly. He gives me my three bikes now for the price of 1.)
Number of Euro 2004 futbol matches I’ve watched: 6
Number of matches I’ve watched outside, on the balcony, with my uncle who is crazed and beautiful and white-haired and supercool: 5
Number of books I’ve read: 1/2 (I’m still waiting on Ahmad’s book to come in the mail. Hurry up, postman!)
Number of times I’ve cried: 1
Number of pounds I’ve spent: 220 (approx.$35)
Number of midgets setting up sheeshas I’ve seen: 1
Number of luqmat-qadis I’ve eaten: 36
Number of tea cups I’ve drank: 23
Number of emails my boyfriend has sent me: 2
Number of times I’ve been asked why I haven’t remarried: 80
Number of times I’ve answered “Because I don’t want to have sex with just one person for the rest of my life”: 1
Number of times my mama has fainted in public: 1
Number of times I’ve said thank you: 200
Number of loaves of bread I’ve consumed: 24
Number of pounds I’ve gained: 2
Number of times I’ve been told I need to lose 50 pounds: 400
Number of times I’ve told people I love my body: 400
Number of times I’ve sat on the beach at night with my sister talking about music and writing and boys: 8
Number of times I’ve laughed so hard I coughed: 3
Number of new songs I’ve heard: 50+
Number of funny stories I’ve been told: 50+
Number of times I’ve thought about my novel: 0
Number of times I’ve thought about my next novel: 50+
Number of miles I’ve walked: 14
Number of limbs I’d give to live here forever (provided I can be myself the entire time): 4

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