I wanted to stop today and declare that lately, I’ve been feeling beautiful. I know this is super-vain and super-navel-gazy, but I don’t give a shit. I feel fucking beautiful, y’all! And to me, this feeling is a kind of revolution.
For years, I was told that because I am not thin, I am not allowed to feel or be beautiful. Well, that’s strange, because I feel and am beautiful right now, everyday.
This is a feeling I am extra-proud of since, also lately- no, my whole life- I have seen movies, magazine covers, TV shows, and articles that declare that I ought not to feel beautiful- or healthy, because of my size.
I am fat- really fat, and in the past year, I have become more and more in love with my fat. I love my body rolls. I love my double-chin. I love my flappy arms. I love my stretch marks.
For years I hated trying clothes on, but now I love going to F21 or anywhere else and trying on whatever the hell I damn please. And, because I am gainfully employed, I can buy whatever outfit I damn please. I wear whatever I want– red lipstick and tight clothes if I want to. Sexy & flamboyant clothing is not limited to certain types of bodies.
I’ve gotten lots of help from the internet. Blogs and tumblrs have really helped make me feel beautiful. Here are some links to fat-positive sites that I love and look at everyday: Hey Fat Chick!; Tangled Up in Lace; Queer Fat Femme; Fatshionista: an outfit blog; and last but not least (and NSFW) Adipositivity.
The best messages I’ve heard, the ones I keep repeating to myself, are: No one is allowed to care about my health except me. If you are “healthy” it does not make you a good person. I don’t expose myself to people or things that will make me feel shitty about myself. There’s an oldie but goodie list of inspirations here. And if you’re a hater, or are tired of people saying stupid fat-phobic shit in front of you, this list is GOLD.
I’m fat, I’m Arab-American, and I ought to feel invisible and not worthwhile. And yet I feel so very visible and so very gorgeous.
Reader, you deserve to feel beautiful, just the way you are. So strut your hot stuff: you are a worthwhile and beautiful person, and that, in itself, is a kind of revolution.